ecently, it suddenly went pitch dark in our home.
The power went out—not such a remarkable event in many households. But it made me think of something. As easy as it is to flip a switch and bring the light back on, it turns out to be much harder to restore the light—the connection—within human relationships. Where is the switch that brings back energy, relaxation, and joy when we keep prioritizing packed agendas and busy schedules over connection with the people we love?
Magnifying Mirror
When there is little connection between partners or between parents and their children, there is a sense of exhaustion and tension, and joy is missing. Beneath the surface, we feel the warmth of happiness is absent; the bond with ourselves is weak. In the aftermath of Covid-19, I see an increase in couples who have lost the essence, often as a result of too much having to.
When the magnifying mirror with confronting questions is held up—“Why is your agenda so full?” “Why don’t you eat together anymore?” and “What is so important that it can’t wait?”—a lot of sadness and release eventually surface. Parents realize that if their child is struggling with something and you barely see each other, the moments of calm—and with them, trust and safety—are missing for the child to bring it up.
Presence
With meaningful connection, it has been scientifically proven that oxytocin is released—the “cuddle hormone” that calms us. We become more productive, more effective, and experience fewer complaints; it affects all areas of our lives. Connection arises from presence or touch and doesn’t even have to last long. It lies in the transitional moments—the moments when you move from one activity to another. Grocery shopping, folding laundry, cooking, eating together, saying goodbye to each other, or… decorating a pumpkin together.
The Coziest Pumpkin
With a lantern going door to door, a pumpkin with a little light inside going to school. The evening before it turns out that it’s time for Saint Martin again, the stress kicks in. Who will make the most beautiful pumpkin?
But for children, it doesn’t matter how amazing their pumpkin looks, how the carved shapes appear in the orange rind. What the child remembers is the feeling of fumbling together while hollowing it out, or scratching something that becomes a star or a moon.
From presence comes connection, and from there a world of values opens up: resilience, self-confidence, and safety. While carving, there is space to relax, to laugh, and suddenly your son or daughter shares what is really on their mind.
Then, together—yes, together—you’ve managed to flip the connection switch. The missing element returns to the foundation, and you can face the world again.
So slow down, look closely, and flip the switch!
